Re: Four Years Later...[James/Ash/Luke]

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn flinched. She hated this, morre than she'd ever hated anything in her life.

But it was too late.

Evelyn swallowed and turned back for the door, pausing again to glance down at James.

. . . James turned to face Evelyn and lifted her chin up with his finger, blue eyes flashing in the moonlight. "Evelyn we've been through so much, don't doubt us; believe me, we've had quite a trip, but if this has shown us anything, it's that we could conquer anything. As long as I'm with you, nothing will hurt us or get in our way and I promise you that," James vowed linking his hand with hers...

It felt liek an iron fist had closed around her heart; it hurt, more than she'd ever imagined it would, and this time, she didn't even bother stemming the tears that suddenly flooded down her cheeks.

Say it, say something . . . I don't know what I'm doing.

"Goodbye, James," she whispered, still unable to move.

[Guest]

James hadn't expected her to say goodbye.

He looked up at Evelyn hoping she would say something, anything but goodbye.


She turned to face him, swallowing. "Okay, look, to a certain degree, Ryan's right...I don't let people in...I can say it's because I don;t....I don't...know what it feesl like to let people in. I don't know how far to go...so I keep it where I an control it...like," her cheeks reddened slightly and she looked away, "Um...okay, this will sound cheesy, but....normally, I don't crush on guy for no real reason. If I do crush on a guy, I usually do nothing aout it. In fact, I try to push him away....I guess you could say I'm scared of letting emotion run me...James, you...you..." she swallowed again, blushing redder. "Okay, I'm scared alright? I'm scared of letting go. Scared because I hate not being able to control what I feel. I'm scared....scared because,; she inhaled and raised her gaze to meet his blue eyes, "because I--I--might...I l--love you and...I don't know how to control my emotions and it scares me to lose control because so far my life has always been restricted so feeling out of it this way throws me off-track," she finished, nearly panting at the end.

He didn't know what happened next, he felt himself slipping away into darkness; he could barely keep his eyes open. He felt waves of pain in his head, chest. He moaned softly as he shifted his head to ease the pain, he felt like he was trapped in a freezer now his body was so cold, he was shivering and then everything stopped, the pain, the cold.

His vision dimmed and all he saw was Evelyn for what he knew would probably his final time.

"Goodbye, Evelyn." he whispered inaudibly, his eyes closing.

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn didn't know if this was normal. For a moment she stood there uncertainly, but there was something wrong in the air. Something told her this was not how it should have gone. Wasn't he healing?

"James?" she said softly, unsure as she stepped toward him.

He'd given a gasp, that was the last thing she'd heard. Her heartbeat sped up in a panic. That wasn't good. He shouldn't be this way. What had gone wrong?

Was it me? Did I do something accidentally? she panicked, mentally. She hastened her steps and dropped down onto James' bed, resting her warm palm on his cold face.

For one second nothing happened, and then beeps sounded from all around her, and Evelyn clapped her hands over her mouth, sure now that it hadn't been a good thing. She looked up as two doctors came , and backed away from James' bed, feeling frozen. Her mind wansn't working. What had gone wrong?

What did I do? Was it me? Did I hurt him somewhere without knowing it while I was here? The questions weren't going away, and she hated that she'd frozen so she couldn't even cry, for once willingly.

The doctors told her to wait in the lounge and she did, arms crossed tightly in front of her, eyes closed. She wasn't sure how long she waited, but too much was going throguh her head, mostly emotive memories.

[Guest]

The doctor came out of James' room and spotted Evelyn sitting in the lounge, he had seen her in his room when his machines went off he went up to her, "Ma'am, I take it you know Mr. Darko, so I'll tell you what has happened. Apparently my staff had over looked something during his surgery, he has a blood clot somewhere in the back of his head where he was injured in the crash. Now were trying to extract the fluid because it was building pressure in apart of his brain where it shows in his history where his migranes are triggered from."

The doctor said looking over his clipboard and back up at Evelyn, "Now were guessing his body overreacted to the pressure in his brain causing him pass out and his body temperature to drop. Our fear is though that he's already lost enough blood and that if we extract too much it may kill him. We don't know everything for sure yet but I will keep you updated I'll send a nurse out here every so often, now I must return to surgery I'm terribly sorry for this."

The doctor turned on his heel and walked quickly back into the ER.

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn hadn't really thought about this consequence. She nodded at the doctor and stayed quiet, not trusting herself to open her mouth.

A few timeless moments passed and she realized mildly that she was hungry.Her insides had been gnawing at her but it hadn't been in hunger before. She sighed and got quietly to her feet, heading to the little ccafeteria.

In a moment, she was back. Not wanting to throw up and get herself hospitalized again, she had simply bought a carton of juice and a bagel.

Some more time passed. Now it was about eight-thirty. She doubted the others would wake so early. Evelyn dropped her head in her hands, mentally singing to distract herself.

"There's a reason why you feel this way
You're always holding out on the things that matter most
The things that make you who you are
Do you really think you need to know where this will end?
Will it change a single thing?
Do you feel better now?
Cause now you're leaving me behind . . ."

[Guest]

Haley ran into the hospital, she had gotten the call at home about James. She ran in looking for someone a doctor, a nurse anyone. She found Evelyn sitting at a table and went to her.

"Oh my god Ev is he okay? What happened?" Haley asked, worry lacing in her voice.

***

The doctors stood around James desperately trying to save him; they took the tools carefully attempting to drain the fluid in his head trying to make sure they didn't lose him, but something happened. Soon the heart monitor went to a loud beeping sound, long and shrill.

"Code blue!" A nurse shouted.

They pulled out the defibulator in attempts to jump start his heart again, "One...two... three... clear!" James' body jolted, but nothing happened, they tried it again but no response. The doctors tried again, but nothing. The third time, the machine began beeping faintly again, all the doctors took a sigh of relief as they carefully drained him of fluid they noticed, the nurses and doctors had given him medicine to help build up his red blood cells.

"Doctor, his body is rejecting it." The nurse said with worry.
"Hmm, if his body rejects this medication he won't live for much longer." The doctor noted.
The nurse looked to the doctor, "What do you suggest we do then?"

"Keep him on it, if his body refuses to respond to it then take him off it." The doctor said coolly, leaving the operating room and re-locating him to ICU.

***
[[An hour later]]

The nurse shook her head and the doctor sighed, "Nothing?"
"I'm afraid not, shall we inform the family?" The nurse questioned him.

The doctor sighed taking off his glasses, "Yes."

The nurse, her name was Rachelle went to James' room and sighed, "Mr. Darko?"

James' eyes twitched before opening, he could barely open them but he could make out the white being the nurses uniform, everything seemed so much more intense now, the pain, the slowly creeping chill on his body he wondered if he would be alright he attempted a nod to let the nurse know he heard her.

She sighed, "Mr. Darko, I'm afraid to inform you that your body has rejected the medication that it needs to help you get better, I'm sorry but we did all we could and..." The nurse turned away she couldn't find herself telling James the horrible news.

James' eyes widened.

I'm...dying...

"I'll send your family in, they're in the waiting room." The nurse turned to leave and looked back to James, "I'm terribly sorry."

***

Haley rested her chin on her hands and elbows on the table, "I really hope he's okay."

The nurse walked over to Haley and Evelyn, Haley stood and looked to the nurse sadness in her hazel eyes, "Is he alright?"

The nurse sighed, "I'm sorry dear, we did all we could...and he only has a couple of hours left."

Haley gasped tears slipping from her eyes, "No..."

The nurse left Haley and Evelyn, Haley turned to Evelyn tears falling faster down her face as she hugged her, and whispered, "No Ev, it isn't fair..."

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn looked down at her lap, feeling oddly . . . empty. She didn't knwo why it didn't affect her. She just felt . . . nothing. Like something inside her had vanished.

"You can go see him, Haley," she said quietly. "We should call the others."

[Guest]

Haley nodded walking into his room, it was eeriley silent only the heart monitor could be heard, she walked over to his bed and saw his eyes half open she sniffed and sat near him. She couldn't look at him without bursting into tears, "James its not fair..."

She hugged him gently making sure not to hurt him, anymore as she cried onto his shoulder.

"Haley please don't cry."

"No James, you're like my big brother and now, now you're..." She continued crying, James winced as he tried to use any remaining strength he had to sit up, still hugging Haley.

"Its not fair James, you have so much left you need to do, and I feel like I wasn't there for you and I'm sorry." She whispered.

James sighed, "Haley you were always there for me, I thank you for that but its time to let go." His voice soft now.

Haley sniffed pulling away tears still spilling onto her cheeks, "I'm gonna miss you James, I love you."

"I love you too."

Haley hugged him again, "Please James don't leave, stay awake I don't want you to die. Please I don't want to lose you!" Haley sobbed into his shoulder, James felt a tear slip through his eye he hated this he wanted this to all be a bad dream he was going to wake up to but he had to face the music.

Haley pulled away slowly just then her mother came in, her eyes already red, and tears still in them she walked over to James bed side and hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "James I love you, you're like my son and honey this just isn't fair please be strong, fight this I know you're stronger than this."

"I'm too weak to fight any longer." James replied quietly.


Haley sniffed again and joined her mom by James' bedside the both of them hugging him again, "I love you Jamesy." Haley whispered.

"I love you too Hales."

His aunt slowly rose from the bed along with Haley the both of them leaving the room, and returning to the waiting room where they saw Evelyn on the phone, Haley turned to her mother and cried in her arms.

[Tiger-Lily]

"Luke and Ash are possibly still asleep. They're not answering. It's early...don't know what to do." Evelyn didn't sound like herself. She flipped her cell closed, and sank slowly into a seat, covering her eyes with one hand.

[Guest]

Haley sniffed looking to Evelyn and sat next to her, "I just don't know... what we could do... but um Ev do you want to see him?"

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn didn't know why she said it. It was the last thing she wanted. "Yeah."

She got to her feet and walked into the ward James had been moved to. Peering in, she cringed when he caught her eye.

"Um, hey." She bit her lip hard as she sat down, again, not on the seat but by his hand on the bed instead.

Her lip began to bleed. "Um, this is odd. I assumed I already said my farewells."

[Guest]

James looked at Evelyn he saw the blood on her lips, "You're bleeding, and I guess you can say we thought our farewells would be temporary I guess things are different now eh?"

[Tiger-Lily]

It hit Evelyn then, the missing emotion inside that had apparently eaten all other thought. Guilt.

Shetook a slow breath, ignored James' question, and said, "Why aren't you mad at me?"

[Guest]

James sighed looking down at his hand and then back up at Evelyn, "I was mad, but I don't know why I just after all the pain and heartbreak you put me through its just I never blamed you; for any of it. I blamed myself because I always thought it was something I did wrong and now I don't want to be mad, because you can't waste your life being upset, especially with it being this short."

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn closed her eyes, lowering her head as her eyes brimmed over with tears. When did she start crying?

"James, I...I'm so sorry. I know it was my fault you were in the car with that creep, and I...I never wanted this. I..." Evelyn choked on her words, and felt her heart hurt painfully inside her. She leaned forwards and slipped her arms around James, burying her head in his shoulder as her restraint broke and all the guilt she felt poured through in tears.

"I was just...it was so stupid. I don't even know why I was mad, but I was, and now...it's too late to take it all back, and I don't know what to do. I just..." her voice faltered as her shoulders shook with grief. She gulped and whispered, "I want you to be mad at me."

[Guest]

James felt a faint jolt within him, it was the feeling he always got whenever she touched him but it was more faint to him now; more distant, he looked into her eyes full with tears and wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "I can't be mad Ev, and its not your fault its mine. My stupid temper got in the way and I left before I even got to hear anything and now..."

He took a deep breath, "Now I can't take any of it back if I wanted to either, I don't want to be mad because thats not how I want it to end this way. Please Ev I forgive you."

[Tiger-Lily]

"James, it doesn't have to end this way," Evelyn whispered, closing her eyes. I'm not letting go this easy. I was so stupid...

She turned her face upwards to look up at James, wiping her eyes with one hand. "You can get past this...it depends on you, you know...I don't--don't want you to leave me..." She bit her lip harder as more tears filled her vision.

[Guest]

James stared into Evelyn's tear filled eyes, and winced, "Ev I don't know... I mean I feel like there is no turning back and I would rather be here with you but I..." He let out a soft moan as he felt a sharp pain run through his chest, he felt like his lungs were being constricted and he took a deep breath.

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn hugged him tighter, fear lacing through her. How much time did they have left? "Look, you don't have to...to hang around me or anything. I just....if everything between us ever meant anything, pull through this for me..."

[Guest]

"I'll try." James voice was faint now.

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn pulled back, wiping her eyes hastily. "James, please..." she implored, reaching up and holding his face in her hands. His skin felt oddly cold, and Evelyn swallowed a panicked gulp. "I'll die..." she admitted softly. The one thing she'd hated saying. But he had to know what this meant to her.

[Guest]

"Don't...die... Ev." He whispered feeling himself fade away slowly.

[Tiger-Lily]

Evelyn felt her heart pain inside her. A flood of emotion rushed throguh her: anger. Whenever she was this upset, she didn;t know how to deal with it, so she channelled it in anger. "Don't make me die, James," she snapped angrily, feeling more tears run down her cheeks. A wave of helpless fury rolled over her and she leaned closer, pressing her lips to James' for what she figured was probably their last time, and she put all her helplessness into it, all her despair, horror, grief and loving longing, giving it more meaning than any before. If he had to leave, he'd remember her if it was the last thing she ever did.

It probably would be the last thing she ever did if he left, she decided.

[Guest]

James kissed Evelyn back, he could feel the faint spark within him burning as he kissed her, it was his thoughts that broke him from this moment, he pulled his lips away from her's and looked up to Evelyn.

All these thoughts, emotions; all of the unsaid things he wanted to say to her came spilling out of her mouth, "You kiss me now expecting me to forgive you? Thinking that now you're confessing your feelings for me while I die, when I spilled my heart to you almost every single day I've known you and now I'm supposed to lay here and forgive you through all the torement, and heartbreak you put me through?"

His voice weak, and he could hear it tremble, "And what if-f I d-do get better? Then what will happen? You'll leave me again, while I go to New York and you're off in London, or Flordia or god knows where? Is it worth it Ev? Do you feel good torturing me? Because..." James winced again, he began to feel even weaker.

His world in some kind of haze, focusing in and out of reality as he looked to Evelyn, "Because..." He found himself gasping for his breath now but he needed to say it he wanted to, "Because you played my heart like an insturment and the reality of it all was, that I was never a player to you. You..." He released a small gasp his eyes drooping down he became exhausted now.

"You...played...me." His eyes fluttered shut.

[Tiger-Lily]

[[Okay, letting the real Ev through here o__o]]

Evelyn didn't move when James finished, even as he fell silent. She sat there silently, hearing his words in her mind.

Torment she put him through . . .

Evelyn felt her hands tremble in her lap. He'd poured his heart out, yes.

He'd never really listened to mine, then . . .

Evelyn glanced down at James, who'd fallen silent. Her eyes had dried up now, and she simply felt cold inside.

Leaning over, she grabbed a notepad by the bedside and a cheap hospital pen, and rested them in her lap as she wrote, speaking aloud.

"James,

Did you ever wonder why I pushed you away? Why I supposedly hurt you? I told you I was scared. I thought you understood.

This recent fight...Leon was making me move. He didn't want me hanging around you. I didn't want to tell you that. I lied so you wouldn't blame someone else for it, and so I could ensure you never tried to stop me. I was sick of this. We were never meant to be.

I don't know you anymore. I doubt I did in a long while." Evelyn paused, feeling something crush her insides.

"I was hoping you'd understand what I meant when I said I had to get away. You didn't. If you'd asked, I would've gone to NY with you. You never did. So I did as Leon asked because I didn't want to force you into taking me.

I don't say things out loud, James. My silence speaks out for my words. I find it hard to speak emotion. I'm an action-taker. I was hoping you'd understand.

You made your fair share of mistakes, yet most of the incidents happened to me, and I was unable to help them. Driving you away was the only way I could see...you're lucky you weren't around in Seattle. Life wasn't a lot of fun there.

You find it hard to forgive me for pushing you away. I found it hard to do it. But I did it, because it was unfair to both of us. We were virtually strangers. I wasn't about to rope you into this.

Again, I was insecure. I thought you'd understand. I guess it was a bit hard to do it across the world. You weren't there when my aunt contracted cancer, or when Ryan's dad nearly sued my uncle broke this year. I didn't tell you because there was no point by the time you got here. I was over it, had suffered alone.

It wasn't working. Not for me, and it wouldn't have worked for you once you realized just what a mess I really was.

And one thing I'd never do was admit that I'm not the hard shell everyone assumes I am.

I don't know if you'll ever read this, but it's all I've got for now.

I'd say I love you, but it wouldn't be me. I've never said it much. Know why? Because it hurts thinking about taking it back.

And so I don't use it unless I'm sure I won't regret it.

That said, I love you, James. And for what it's worth, I regret everything I put you through.

xx Evie xx " She felt a faint smile at that.

Evelyn left the note inside his shirt pocket of the hospital outfit he wore, and walked out of the hospital, past Haley and her mother, and Luke and Ashlee walking in, heading to a certain part of the park.

The pond was just as majestic in the sunshine as it had been that fateful day. Evelyn dropped down beside the bank, rested her head on her knees, and let the tears of anger and frustration flow.

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